My Quest To Make America Humane Again


I set off upon a quest a week ago. My quest was to make America Humane again. After examining the pulse of this nation with regards to the current political and social strife that is flooding the news I decided we, as a nation, were ill. Maybe, just maybe, with the help of proper professionals and current advanced technology, we can save this little ol’ nation before it is too late. We have lost our humanity in a manner of speaking. Not entirely but, we can no longer wield it properly as we aim at some things and hit, while others we miss entirely.

4b51d92098c1a7364d84a5798072490aPolitical leaders crying build a wall, and ban innocents and citizens from the nation. Stone LGBT people to death, unless they repent. Require ID for restrooms and voting. Tattoo Muslims, and support religious freedom comments come streaming from the mouths of the same people, often at the same time. Punish women, and doctors, and nurses, for abortions, that are legal. Black Lives Matter are terrorists while White’s taking over federal land and threatening armed insurrection against the government are patriots. If Trump’s polls drop or he loses a primary he dials up the crazy. His amplifiers clearly go to 11. Cruz wants to install a theocracy while maintaining that Islam and government (sharia law) is an abomination. This is the tip of the iceberg so the state of the nation is not filling me with hope at this time.

I went to Web MD and put in America’s current symptoms as my own i.e. hatred, intolerance, bigotry, misogyny, demonizing of the poor, demonizing of brown humans, demonizing of humans of many types, demonizing of many humans not demon like in any way. Turns out there is a limit on the number of symptoms Web MD will tolerate. It finally messaged me saying I was ill beyond its ability to repair and should seek help from professionals immediately. It coughed, choked, spit a little, and produced a printable list before redirecting to a 404 error. Web MD was no more. My symptoms were not just too much for me and the nation, but for the internet’s primary source of health information.

regan_macneil___the_exorcist_by_danieltorazza-d5ercsnAmong the professionals I was aimed towards were the priesthood. In fact the Web MD page sent me directly to the cardinal/pope level of exorcism. Told me to “waste no time at the lower, less experienced, priest level. I thought this extreme but I went forth in my quest to make America humane again starting with the Cardinals of the Catholic faith. I have to admit this gave me a brief period of hope as, when I was but a 12 year old boy, I watched as two priests saved a young Linda Blair from a pea soup vomiting, carpet urinating, crucifix defiling, life that certainly turned some heads. It turned mine. She seemed far worse off than even Trump and Cruz had ever demonstrated and, with a few well placed our fathers, and hail Mary’s coupled with some particularly nasty Holy Water sessions, she seemed to come out of it looking well, and with a surprisingly good attitude, until the sequel. The same cannot be said for the two priests as – SPOILER ALERT – they did not make it.

With hope in my heart and these visuals in my head I knocked upon the front doors of the Vatican and pleaded on these steps that they help me purge this once special nation of that which has clearly possessed it. Windows opened above me and large pots of what turned out to be holy water were dumped upon me as someone with a very heavy french accent quoted Monty Python in my general direction suggesting my mother was a small furry hamster and my father drank too much wine. This was hardly the response I expected so, put off by the ferocity of the French taunting I set about on my way to see if other answers from Web MD might prove a bit more fruitful.

r121913ffIf an old fashioned exorcism was not for me at the current time what then might assist me I pondered as I read through the Web MD list of hopefuls. Next upon the list was Big Money Political Donors. It seems Web MD was under the impression that if I went straight to source of big political influence and money i could persuade these lovely and caring individuals, and groups, to see the error of their ways. I could get them to see reason and pull their influence pedaling machine from its place quite securely entrenched in the governments rear end, next to the wallets.

I knocked upon the first influence pedaling, politician purchasing, rich demagogue’s address and would you be surprised to find out, Trump answered the door. It seems the man that is leading the republican party in delegates, the man about to win the nomination to run for president of the United States on the republic ballot, buys politicians. Well this was a bit of good luck I thought. I was unaware that this man was big money, was political influence, was one of the many with a wallet large enough to become a virtual puppeteer to the elected officials we know and love. I then figured, if I didn’t know this then likely his followers had missed this bit of information also. The problem had, in part, fixed itself.

I spoke to the Trump himself. I explained to him that, as a person that formerly bought politicians to gain favor, that the best way for him to achieve his stated goal of “Making America Great Again” was quite likely to leave America alone, or even better, to leave it entirely. Shocked I was for the second time in a brief period as Trump claimed he already knew all this and had no intention of complying with my suggestions. He went so far as to explain to me I was a loser as he had heard my mother was a hamster, and my father drank too much wine. He explained to me that this was no problem as the people with hamsters for mothers were his greatest friends and supporters and he was loved dearly by people that drank in excess of wine, or any other fluid in existence on this great planet God had sent him to save. He then mocked me for my quest and had his followers and bodyguards beat me soundly as I was removed from his property.


I spoke to his followers as they carried my broken and battered carcass across his extensive front lawn. I explained he was big money and one cannot remove big money from politics by putting big money in politics. I explained that electing a Trump was as if they had surrendered and abandoned even the pretense of trying to elect a qualified and reasonably intelligent and worthwhile human. They laughed and chanted things about a wall, building a wall. “Pink isn’t well, he’s back at the hotel, and they sent us along as a surrogate band, we’re gonna find out where you fans reallllyyyy standddd.

Are there any queers in the theater tonight?
Get them up against the wall!
There’s one in the spotlight, he don’t look right to me,
Get him up against the wall!
That one looks Jewish!
And that one’s a coon!
Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?
There’s one smoking a joint,
And another with spots!
If I had my way,
I’d have all of you shot!”

Whoa, I remember that wall! OK! OK! It took a veritable act of Parliamentary procedure to rescue me last time. I will leave as peacefully as my broken being will allow. And I limped off into the night, broken but maybe a little closer to the truth.

Next on my list of hopeful professionals was the Legislature itself. Failing to get permission to speak to either the house or senate as a whole I attempted to approach them one by one. Many doors were closed to me as these vaunted members of political aristocracy apparently have like 312 days off a year. It was explained to me that ever these very few days of work they allowed to occur were an excessive burden on them, and their families, and mistresses, and all manner of normally unacceptable and illegal parasitic relationships. It was explained to me that in order to maintain these unmentionable arraignments it took more time and money than the average human is in need of. I vowed to wait for them to return. I did. I aged, dramatically.

660f956f-2aa7-4475-94d6-b030974eab2It turns out that the legislative branch requires a great deal of time to look over laws, and reforms, and budgets, and all sorts of complicated documents in order to gather and maintain an educated opinion. They do this out of the kindness of their heart so that they may then go to the floor and vote against any and all of these things they claim to now understand. Saying no may seem simple to the average human but they have assured me it is not so simple as we would imagine. Saying no to your dog when it pees on the carpet, they explained, is merely an exercise in telling a lesser creature that it is not to do something. This dog, this lesser creature, will not abandon you as you have its food and liquid requirements. But, when they say no, they explained, they also have to manufacture a reason for the lesser human beings, we voters, to return and vote for them in spite of their insistence that they not do their job. This is more complex. They must then advance to us a reason why “no we will not help the poor or allow you access to health care or money” is a perfectly reasonable response. Not only reasonable but one we, the voters, should support.

They explain to us that while we heard them vote no, this was not what we heard at all. They had not said no to us. They had said no to the neighbors. It is the poor neighbor that is destroying America, like when he borrowed your chainsaw and when he returned it there was a scratch. That scratch was not there when he borrowed it. That neighbor cannot be trusted with a raise, or healthcare and therefore we needed to vote no and you need to continue to elect us. Oh, and own all the guns and worship all the christian Gods you like because lesser beings deserve their treats.

They explained that politics in 2016 had evolved into the art of No. You must learn to say no and then support it in a manner the voter will support and love. You must print the reasons on bumper stickers and t-shirts, and hats. You must put the reason forth on wholly unreasonable media venues calling themselves news. You must do this to perpetuate the notion that a stagnant nation is a proper nation is the only nation one can reasonable support unless they are not patriots.

q63KlQmjI left this meeting assured that we are doomed. When the population can be told that all is not well. It is not well because of money in politics. It is not well because of the demon poor, and the demon LGBT people, and the demon Muslim, and the demon atheist, and the myriad demons out there. It will never be well till those demons are confronted. And the way to confront those demons is to keep everyone poor. We confront demons by taking away citizens rights. We confront demons by victimizing the victims and ceasing to educate the people. We deny them health care and the slightest raise. We deny them equal rights in the work force. We deny them the ability, the right to have a say, in the goings on of their own person. This and also we make them show ID to pee. We do this to save America. This is what we are told, and f&#% me if they do not buy it.

I like to end these little rants with some hope. I think there might be some out there. Somewhere in the silent middle I hope there are reasonable people just ignoring the loud mouths at the extremes. I hope this silent middle will rise up and say they have had it with the garbage spewed but the obnoxious talking heads. I hope they will say we have a broken political system and boot everyone. I hope they will then elect people reluctant to do the job. I hope those people are there that are called to the job not as a profession but out of a desire to do the right thing for the actual humans that live in America. I hope they make America humane again. But I doubt right now.



In The Flesh – Pink Floyd – The Wall



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